My Testimony

I surrendered my life to God on January 8th, 2024 while alone in my room. I was 7 years deep into an opioid and amphetamine addiction. Fortunately enough, I managed to keep a job all that time, but everything else in my life deteriorated. I had no friends left because I isolated myself from everyone. I didn't want anyone around long enough to see behind the curtains - to see just how badly addicted, lost and detached I was from the world around me. I spent all my evenings and weekends alone. I spent $50 every other day on drugs, maybe $30 a week on groceries. I felt like a shell of a human. As my addiction got worse, I started going to darker places mentally. I was drawn toward everything dark, evil, lustful and blasphemous in nature. I loved all of it.

January 8th was a normal day - I had no intentions of quitting my addictions, and even took drugs that morning. However around 3pm, I saw something on TikTok which shook me to my core. The week leading up to this, there was a celebrity (who was known for making lots of demonic content) that had been making videos claiming that he gave his life to Jesus and he was "a new man", that he was "forgiven."

I remember thinking,

“if this guy can be forgiven and saved by God, maybe there's a chance for me.”

It was the only glimmer of hope I had for some sort of future where I might find freedom. But instead, on January 8th, that same celebrity jokingly posted the most vile, awful music video mocking Jesus Christ, almost as a big "Sike, joke's on you!" to the Christians watching him. These were the same Christians who I observed in the comments beforehand being so kind to him, welcoming him into God’s family. Oppositely, the comments on this new music video from non-believers were so cruel and vile - people praising the celebrity and laughing along with him at the Christians he “fooled.”

I hadn't truly prayed since I was little. I had no relationship with God whatsoever. But yet, seeing this felt like a stab in the chest. I began questioning,

"Why?? Why??? Why did this just break my heart so much? WHY is it always Jesus that society mocks and hates? There are Gods in other religions that DEGRADE women, murder innocent people and hate those who are different from them. So why is it always Jesus?"

And I began to cry. I cried, and cried and cried. Something I hadn't done in years because the drugs kept me numb. I was so familiar with darkness, evil and hate, that in this moment… I knew there had to be an opposite. There has to be good.

And suddenly - it just clicked.

I began crying out to God through tears, saying,

"God, if you are truly there, if you are real - I will do whatever you say. I'm just tired of this darkness. I can't do it anymore."

Not long after that, I decided the only way I could prove to God how desperately I wanted Him in my life, was to do the unthinkable - throw out all my drugs, not tell a single soul - and rely on God alone to get me through it.

Logically speaking, this was a dangerous idea. My body learned how to operate with drugs in my system for 7 years. I had read COUNTLESS stories of grown men who had been taking the same drugs as me, and their withdrawals went on for weeks, sometimes months. Only I was taking WAY more drugs, and for WAY longer than even they were. You need support. You need people on standby to help you & monitor you through the withdrawals.

So I knew I couldn't do it by my own strength.

But I was at the end of myself. I was so exhausted by the demons that lingered and kept me in these chains for years, who I became well-acquainted with. I remembered all of the prayers from my faithful parents over the years, and every person who ever told me about Jesus. So in this moment, I knew, that I knew, that I knew.... He is the only answer. He is the only one who can save me.

I threw away all my drugs in the dumpster that night and began my faith journey. Only 2 short hours later - the withdrawals had begun. Unless you've been through it yourself, no one will truly know the physical and mental torment of coming off of opioids. It's an itch in your bones that you can't scratch - and it's in every bone in your body. Your nauseous, throwing up, and your stomach twisting in knots. You're sweating profusely through your clothes one minute, then 2 minutes later - freezing and shivering. You can't sit still, as if every limb has a mind of it's own, each trying to get away from you to find comfort. There is no presumption of sleep for the foreseeable future.

And through the midst of all this, hours of crying, sweating and moving non-stop, I prayed. I begged, I yelled and even cursed at Him. But I didn't lose contact with Jesus for one second. I knew, and felt Him in the room with me. I can't explain to you with human words how much I felt Him in that room with me.

I began watching The Chosen - a show about the story of Jesus. I began reading the bible - the same bible I found shoved way under my bed that I had opened less than 5 times in my life. I looked up "Jesus music" on Spotify to create a playlist that played on loop in the background. I filled every inch of my room with worship music and my shaky, tearful voice lifting up prayers to God Almighty.

Side note - and one of the many miracles I saw that week - This all began on a Monday. I work a job in the legal world where every day is different. I was supposed to have a FULL week of work, which would have been 100% impossible to do while going through these withdrawals. But every single job I had that week ended up cancelling. One, by one, by one... every day I would get an email or a text from my boss, saying "Skylar, I don't know what's going on but your job tomorrow cancelled again."

…So I ended up with an entire week at home, just me and God, walking hand-in-hand through the fire.

For 3 days, I suffered inexplicably. But for 3 days, I spent every waking moment with Him - I prayed and talked with God, I watched The Chosen, I read the bible and I listened to worship music. The withdrawals didn't stop for one second, but not one moment did I doubt just who was with me and giving me the strength to keep going.

On the 3rd day, I prepared for another night of no sleep, nausea, bone-itching and profuse sweating. I even set out 4 sets of pajamas next to my bed, as I would have to get up and change from sweating so much. It was around midnight, and I was watching The Chosen and talking with God.

All I can tell you, is that I fell asleep... and I woke up 7 hours later.

Every ounce of withdrawals was gone. It all just stopped.

I remember sitting up and thinking to myself, "This can't be right. This doesn't make sense. God, I need to suffer. I've rejected you my whole life. I deserve to suffer, it's the least I can do."

But in that moment, I knew it was over, and I knew it was only by God's inexplicable mercy. But it wasn't just the physical restoration, it was the mental restoration. I woke up and it truly felt like my brain had been rewired. I had an immense peace and joy I had never known before.

The darkness was finally gone.

For 2 days after this, Jesus and I celebrated non-stop. We danced, we sang. I cried happy tears and worshipped him with my face to the floor. I could not see Him, but again, I knew, that I knew, that I knew... He was RIGHT THERE with me. Right beside me. Filling every corner of my home with divine, supernatural love.

On the 5th morning, I woke up and I had the most intense desire to paint again - something I prepared to give up when all of this started. Every story online that talked about coming off of drugs told me that if I had any hobbies, you would most likely not do those anymore once you're sober, because the creative spark would be gone. Your brain essentially has to learn how to be happy and creative on it's own again, because your dopamine and serotonin receptors have been solely working off of drugs. I had only ever painted while high. In the past, I painted some normal things, but many weird, obscure, lustful and dark things.

So I told God back on the first day I quit my addiction, "If I never paint again, it's worth it to know You. I'll give it up."

But yet, on the 5th morning, He proved me wrong once again. I had never been more excited to paint in my life. I made a deal with Jesus in that moment and told Him,

"I don't care if I paint like a 5-year old and all of my painting abilities are gone. The fact that you're even giving me the desire to paint again, 5 days into sobriety, is more than I could ever ask for. I promise You, every single painting I do from now until the day I see You in heaven, will be to serve and glorify Your name."

So I began to paint. On my Gallery page, you can see all the paintings I’ve done from January until today. You can read the symbolic back story of my first painting (Jesus walking on water) by clicking the “Read the back story here” button next to it.

Jesus Christ saved my life. On that 3rd day, I also quit several other non-drug addictions: Tiktok, horror movies, porn and hoarding. However, this is more than a testimony about being freed from addiction, because not every story is like mine, where some battles take much longer - and God is especially present in all of those stories, too. My chains to drugs were not just broken that day, but also the chains I had attached to the world. I was freed from the grasp of the demonic. I was brought to my knees that day, not because I wanted freedom from drugs, but I wanted freedom from myself.

The world told me for so long how amazing I was. That I don't need anyone, I can do it. I'm strong enough. I'm a good person. Just look within yourself. Do you really want it? Are you meditating enough? Are you spending time outside? Just speak affirmations over yourself every morning. Climb the corporate ladder. Your desires are valid, do what makes YOU happy! Do what feels good! You know what's best for yourself.

All of those things sound amazing, right? How is that harmful? That's the problem. It WASN'T harmful - it was a friendly disguise to keep my eyes away from the truth. It was all false promises and quick fixes - like putting a bandaid over a large crack in a dam.

None of it worked. It wasn't until I invited Him to come in and change my heart, that the water finally came bursting through that dam, The Holy Spirit washing me clean for the first time in my life. The God I ran from all my life, called me by my name. Me - a sinner, a drug addict, a blasphemer. He waited all that time with arms wide open.

He's waiting for you, too.